Friday, October 8, 2010
For those of you who noticed I was gone for a while, here is an explanation.
It's been a while since I got my annual health check-ups and for some insane reason thought I'd get them out of the way. The fact that some doctors refused to prescribe me simple medication such as nose sprays for allergies simply made things ultra annoying for me. So I scheduled appointments and went to them.
In case you are worried about me, I am doing great! I am cancer free and have no major diseases so all is well. But...
Here is what my allergist told me:
Him: I see that everything is inflamed and you have allergies!!!!
Me: Really? How awful! What a surprise! Can I have the following prescriptions for my allergies?
I did try to slip in some muscle relaxants etc. but that did not fly at all.
BTW... my allergist has a dog and brings him to work everyday. How cool is that? If I had a dog, I could take my dog to my allergist! Very cool!
Next I had my boobies checked. And boy was that a very interesting experience. I like the clinic and they have fabulous magazines. Like the shown above. Upon arrival, I was asked to wear a lovely robe. I was wearing a dress that day so wore the robe, kept my undies on and off I went to my magazine. Soon I was beckoned by the nurse.
Nurse: Why are you not wearing pants?
Nurse: WHY ARE YOU NOT WEARING PANTS?
Me: Umm... I did not know I was supposed to.
Nurse: YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER!!!
I want to really slap you right now but you are going to handle my boobies and photograph them thus I must be nice to you. Sorry!
So she handled my boobies and took photos of my boobies all the time reprimanding me. I bit my tongue and let her place my boobies just here and pose just that way for her to take my boobie photos. I knew better than to argue with her. I am kinda smart like that.
I did find it very very ironic that someone who was handling my boobies was reprimanding me about not wearing pants. Who would have thought?
Of course there was the intimate appointment with my doctor who examined my brit-brit parts. What you ask are brit-brit parts? Those are parts of a woman's body that most women cover up and don't generously share with others. Unless... you are Brittany Spears or Paris Hilton in dire desperation for publicity and show up panty-less in a dress and let anyone and everyone view it and of course photograph it.
So for my brit-brit examination, I had to undress and wear.. paper clothes! Yeah! Paper shirt and a paper skirt! Of course there were no buttons or draw strings you silly you! I asked the nurse if I could just have a blanket to cover up and dump the paper and she said Nope. They wanted me to cover up so I felt comfortable.
I would never ever be comfortable in paper. And it was white and blue paper! How dull! How unstylish! Ugh!
I tried to convince her but made no headway at all so relented.
All I have to say is that there were flash lights, strobes, needles, music, tongs, accessories and lots of activity in the brit-brit region. It was like a 70s disco party. Without any fun.
And that's all I have to say about that. We shall never ever speak about this again.
Suffice to say that Scriber's brit-brit and boobie photos are now available somewhere on the internet.
And I am hiding.