Menopause

Ever wonder how menopause got it's name? Well maybe not. You probably have better things to do. But I do wonder about things like that. So I researched it and came up with the following.

The term was coined in 1856 by a woman doctor named Marie. Okay so I am totally making this up but play along with me. OK?

So Marie was a doctor a long time ago. She married the love of her life and had many children. She was a good wife and a good mother. She worked very hard. She juggled her career and her family life. She loved well and was well loved. All was fine and dandy for years except she woke up one day alone. The love of her life was busy having fun with his friends and the children had moved on. She had made endless sacrifices for her family and they had all forgotten about her. She gave them 20 years of her life and they did not even bother checking on her. She was pissed.

So she said the most profound words:

MEN!!!! OH!!!! Pause!

And so she paused to reflect upon her life.

She had done good in her life. She had raised wonderful kids and lived a good life. But...

Gone were the days when she needed approval. "How do I look in this dress?"

Gone was the neediness, "You complete me. Do I complete you?"

Gone was the clinginess, "When was the last time you told me you loved me? You do love me, right? You need me right?"

Gone was the endless desire to please everyone. Gone, gone, gone. Everything dissipated into a cloud of smoke and she looked at her life anew.

She was standing on her own two feet and was strong. She had become an independent woman. And she loved it.

No more bull sh%%. No more waiting for the phone calls to come or the gifts of affection. No more the need for the approval. No one completed her. She completed herself. And she was happy. She was secure.

She. Did. Not. Need. Men. She was a-okay.

Men. Oh. Pause before you say something to a woman going through this phase.

That's how Menopause got it's name. That's my story and I am sticking to it.

To all the men who read this blog, be nice to women who are going through this phase and be honest with them. Their BS radar is on a very very high alert. Don't give them BS and if you do, expect them to call you up on it.

And to the men and boys in my life, remember that I am armed and dangerous. I have a blog and you don't. Have a great day! Love ya!

PS: I like men. They just drive me crazy sometimes.

Men and Directions

This is a true story.

A while back, I had to go for a conference to Dallas. To be green, we carpooled. I ended up driving with 2 male coworkers. I also consider them as my good friends. The drive to Dallas was uneventful, but on the way back, we had an *ahem* adventure.

As we left the hotel, we encountered some very twisted roads. Kinda like the picture except there were about 9 choices. My coworker the driver looked at the road number and took a turn. My other coworker the navigator, gave his approval and off we went.

I was sitting in the back seat reading a book. After about 30 minutes I asked, "Are we on the right road? Nothing looks familiar."

They both said, "Stop being a back seat driver. We know what we are doing and we'll take you to your home."

Alrighty then. So I went back to my book.

20 minutes later, they started having doubts. We'd reached another city that was way north of Dallas. And we were supposed to go south.

So here is how the conversation went.

Him 1 "I think we are going in the wrong direction."

Him 2 "Yeah those signs were horrible. Let's keep going until we see another sign."

Me "Maybe we should pull over at a gas station and ask for directions."

Them "Oh we know where we are going. No worries"

Me thinking "Oye"

So we kept going in the wrong direction for another 30 minutes. I knew I had to do something drastic or I would end up in Arkansas. Not that there is anything wrong with Arkansas.

Me "Can we get directions?"

Them "Oh we know where we are going"

Me "I need a bathroom break. Can we stop at the next gas station?"

They sighed and then complied.

When I got to the gas station, I asked the person who worked there. Sure enough, we were going in the opposite direction. When I came out, both the guys were sitting in the car and waiting for me.

Me "Did you get directions?"

Them "No we know where we are going. We need to go in the other direction."

So off we went in the opposite direction. But they never asked for directions.

After about 3 hours of leaving the hotel, we passed by it again.

Him 2 the navigator "Look, our hotel! Wave bye girl!"

Me "ummmph..."

They were right when they said that they would drop my off to my house. But I lost 3 hours of my life. And they never asked for directions.

Why? Why? Why?

Why do men never ask for directions?

I don't know.

But here is a video that was shot in Austin and is hilarious.

Maybe this might give you a clue.