Say what?

If you work in a corporation, you must attend meetings. Here are some random office space quotes collected by my writer pals. Needless to say, none of us work at these places anymore.

• The light at the end of the tunnel was actually an oncoming train.
• The best way to resist temptation is to completely give in.
• It was customer’s love fest.
• We are pimping the fruit to India.
• My push back radar is on high alert.
• This is an assumption of an assumption.
• It fails ugly ugly.
• We are all doomed.
• Decisions made here are fluid in nature.
• We are going to open the kimono and share a peek
  

Anything interesting you've heard at meetings?

IPOD in Heaven?

Whether we want to not, we are all going to die. Always an organizer, this morning I found myself making a list of things I hope I can find in the afterworld.

1. IPod. How did we listen to music before IPods? I remember the first time I bought a portable CD player. It was huge. And played 1 cd at a time. Oh how I love progress!
2. Blackberry. What else do you need? You can email, make phone call, surf the web, or play games. If only it had a small mirror. Oh well. Maybe in the after world.
3. Digital Camera. So what if serious photographers don’t really like them a lot? I love them. Plop them in your purse and shoot everywhere, anytime.
4. Laptop. Can’t stay without it.
5. Wii. How can I possibly live without Wii fit? Or Super Mario? It would be impossible but technically I’d be dead so it *may* not matter.
6. Netflix instant movie access. Movies, documentaries... you name it.
7. IBook. Ok so I don’t have this yet. But I want one. Even if it is in the afterworld.
8. Hair gel. How else is my hair going to stay down?
9. Lipstick. Gotto have my lipstick.
10. Chocolates. Do I have to explain this?
    
    What would your list look like?
    

Man versus Woman

Here is an email thread based on a very old joke. I don't know who wrote the original joke or I would certainly give credit.

A female coworker sent this email to me. She made the mistake of sending it to some man also. He made a mistake of responding.

Woman's Email:


After the long months of cold and winter, we will soon be coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: Routine...

1. The woman buys the food.
2. The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
4. THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
5. The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
7. THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
8. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. And most important of all...
10. Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
11. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.... There, I hope this will help you get the season off on the right foot.
    
    

Man's Response

Think about it, what is more dangerous? Mastering fire, or setting a table? The reality is that all the work is performed by the women because the women caused the work! Here is the same list if there was no woman ?:

1. Man buys meat.
   a) You do not need anything else…..
2. Man laughs at the idea of making salad, refer to 1)a)
3. Man rejoices at how good idea of buying pre-marinated meat was.
4. Man grabs fork, knife, Stubs basting sauce, and beer ?
5. Man Places meat on the grill (lovingly) as friends arrive with more beer.
6. Man grabs paper plates and hands them to friends.
7. Man and Friends grab meat off the grill and eat.
8. Man and Friends help digestion of fantastic meal with more beer.
9. Man looks at the spotless kitchen and thinks "I should grill more often!"
10. Everyone praises the man.
11. Everyone is happy.

Woman's Response:


Perhaps evolution has been one-sided, or gender biased?