Cold

I know what you are thinking. Where the heck is Scriber?

Well here is the scoop.

Tiger and his peeps keep chasing me at all times trying to persuade me to continue my fling with Tiger. Since I do not want to be the 15th or 16th mistress, I am in hiding. How rude! I should at least be a top 10 mistress. I have standards you know?

To make matters worse, Charlie Sheen suddenly discovered me and now wants to have a "relationship" with me. He keeps chasing me. With a knife.

Le Sigh.

It sucks to be gorgeous. But at least the aliens are leaving me alone.

So anyways...

It has been cold, cold, cold here and everywhere else.

So in this mysterious town that I am hiding in, temperatures are dropping faster than an old woman's boobs. Right now, it is 18 degrees. Holy cow!

The thing about Texans is we don't know how to handle rain or cold. We have jackets. But we usually keep them in our car in winter months. And every year, we buy gloves and hats and safely store them away God knows where because we can never find them when we need them.

So we tend to run a lot. From our home to the car, from our car to the office.... which brings up an important point.

What the heck is wrong with the office building owners? In summer, I have to wear a sweater in the office because it is so so cold. I shiver constantly. In winter, I have to wear layers and shed peel after peel as sweat drips from my body.

What the heck?

But I digress.

How cold is it where you are at? And what are you doing tocope with it? Also, anyone persuing you with a knife? Do tell.

2010 Resolutions

1. No matter how much he begs, I will not have an affair with Tiger Woods.

2. I will not play Super Mario Wii for more than 3 hours a day. In a row. Must take 15 minutes break in between.

3. Exercise, lose weight. Blah blah. Why even bother? Embrace the fact that I will abandon this goal on day two. Life is short. Eat a taco!

4. I will no longer read Christmas newsletters where parents brag and brag UNTIL my sons find a cure for cancer AND obtain world peace.

5. I will not, not, not, not watch American Idol this year. There.

6. Birdie shall be tamed by me. Must figure out a way to do this.

7. I will love more. Love, love, love. Until I annoy the heck out of peeps and they leave me alone. Sigh.

8. I will commit random acts of kindness. Like show up on my son's date, hang out with the girl friend and offer to pay for it all. See what a nice Mom I am?

9. I will read Atlas Shrugged this year. Even if it takes me one year to read it. At least it will help me fall sleep.

10. I will be and let them be. Enough said.

So what are your resolutions? I want to know!

In case...

In case you are wondering where I am, here are some options:

1. Eloped with the Christmas Bandit. Yes he is back.

2. Working long hours and not getting much sleep.

3. Bought a private island and ran away to it.

4. Looking at the sky, waiting for the much hyped Snow Event in Austin. Where's the snow? Where's the snow?

5.Doing tons of exciting paperwork that involves health insurance, financial mumbo jumbo and Life Death insurance.

6. Having a mental break down trying to decide what the heck to buy. Why can't I have it all and world peace? Life is so unfair!

7. Hiding from the papparazzi. Yes I was one of Tiger wood's mistresses. But don't tell anyone!

So what do you really think is happening? Give me a number. What do you suspect?

I promise to catch up with everyone this weekend.