Saturday, February 20, 2010
Well it is 9:30 am on Saturday morning and I already embarrased myself with a pants on the ground situation. Yikes!
For those of you who don't know, one of the American Idol contestants sang the Pants on the ground song that he wrote and it became viral. You can watch it here. It is the most hilarious and witty things I've ever seen on TV. How does one come up with this stuff? How come I never come up with funny/witty stuff like that? I bow to you!
So today I am having some girlfriends over for dinner and cooking some Indian food. I went this morning bright and early to get some groceries. I was wearing gym pants. You know the ones made of soft, spongy, sweatshirt material and have drawstrings...
It was raining and cold. But did I wear boots? Nope. I wore flip flops. And sure enough as I walked into the store avoiding puddles (at least I thought so) the drawstring broke. Apparently I must have stepped in puddles because the bottom of the pants were soaking wet. And since I was wearing the absorbent gym pants, the water was spreading upwards.
Let me take a moment to teach you about gravity my kiddos. Gym pants that are supposed to absorb moisture will do so. And if it is at the bottom of your pants, gravity will suck it. Having no drawstring will make things worse.
But I am a resilient woman. So I gathered up my pants and continued with my shopping. As the water inched upwards. And the pants became heavier and unmanageable. Sure I got a ton of curious glances. But I gave them a haughty look and pretended that this was the new and latest style directly from Paris. The new look. Bottom half of the pants wet and a woman clutching at her pants to keep them on. Viva le France!
I started panicking when I required not one but two hands to keep my pants on. My immediate thought was, "What kind of undies am I wearing?" But I could not remember. My plans were to get some quick groceries. Not a seduction scene for Johnny Depp. I had grabbed whatever was clean.
So I had to ask myself these profound and life-altering questions.
"If my pants do drop, what will people see? Black or pink undies? Thong, bikini cut or grannie style? Can one get arrested for dropping pants accidentally at a grocery story? Surely there are minors around and that is an offense. But who will believe me that it was a sheer accident? And what will my tush look like when it is exposed in public? Will Kim Kardashean be threatened by me? And what the heck undies did I wear today? Should I blog about this?"
Fortunetely for me, I made it with all the groceries out of the store without my pants dropping off. But it was close and life altering.
Question: Tell me kiddos! What are you having for dinner today?