Sunday, September 20, 2009
I recently got a job offer that I thought I would share with you...
Dear Scriber's Web,
Of course you probably don't know this since I prefer to remain anonymous and work through middle men, but I am the one, in fact, who just acquired your company. Of course, I want to keep you with the company, but I expect increased productivity in the following areas:
Of course a happy worker is a productive worker, so I have expanded your benefit package to include a pampering allowance. Shopping for shoes is also a company write-off, so I hope you will enjoy that as well. I am also closing a deal with a gourmet catering company, so that you and other employees can have delicious food on demand. Lunch time begins whenever you are hungry and lasts until you have taken a nap and feel ready to return to work. Need a vacation? The new company phones will have a speed dial feature which allows you to request such at the press of a button. All requests will be honored in a prompt manner, and depending on demand volume, most vacations can begin in as little as 3 minutes. There will be no obnoxious muzak, if you are put on hold. Instead, you will be linked to a travel agency and can begin to make arrangements.
We hope our little improvements to the workplace will make your life more comfortable and productive.
Sincerely, Dan's Myth
It sounds tempting but there is no mention of a full time beautician on site. That may be a deal breaker. What do you say?