Sunday, August 3, 2008

Mid-life crisis

Most men are hit by mid-life crisis. Some take it to the extremes. A shiny red convertible car, a new younger woman or something like that.

Meet my husband's girlfriend:

She flew into our back yard a few years ago. We did not want to capture her but she was landing on dogs and playing with cats. Obviously, she could not survive in the wilderness. So my neighbors caught her and I brought her home.

We called her birdie because we were looking for the owners of the bird and did not want to get emotionally attached to it.

Today, we still call her birdie. And she loves my husband. She thinks she is his girlfriend. She makes me look like I am very low maintainence. My husband has to sit right in front of her or else she throws a temper tantrum.

She hates me with a vengence. I am the other woman. I am the one who makes him disappear. When he goes on business trips, she throws vicious tantrums at me. Grabs her water bowl with her beak and throws it at me. Bites me. Chirps harshly at me.

She never bites him. She coos for him and sings for him.

If my husband leaves the room, she chirps and chirps.

If my husband and I sit down to eat dinner or talk, she chirps and chirps.

She is so jealous of me.

Some days, I ask my husband, "Why couldn't you be like other guys and get a young hot mistress? How am I supposed to compete with a bird?"

And Birdie goes CHIRP! CHIRP! CHIRP!


Jesse P Luna said...

I also have two ladies on the side, my two Labradors, Ivory and Lulu. However, my wife realized the situation and quickly banished them to the outdoors. :)

Laura Marchant said...

That is so funny!
My mom has a male bird that is the same with her. I am so glad you were able to rescue him before something happened.

Scriber's Web said...

Jesse: Your wife is a very wise woman. Listen to her:)

Midwest Mommy: OMG! I thought it was just us. Maybe I should get a male bird. Don't want to traumatize birdie though:)

Jodi said...

"How am I supposed to compete with a bird?"

That is a classic line!! I love it!

Anonymous said...

My husband's girl friend is a miniature poodle with brazen red hair.