Sunday, December 28, 2008

Embarrassing Stuff

OK. Cleansing my soul before the new year...

A while back, I wrote this. It is about embarrassing or mean questions someone asked me.

Well... I am not perfect and I have to say I've said some terrible things that caused me a huge amount of embarrassment, mortification, and self-loathe.


I know you think I am perfect and flawless and this hot chick who looks like Demi Moore.

But I've said some really terrible things. Just because I wasn't thinking before speaking. Urgh!

Example 1: I once ran into a coworker who I hadn't seen for months. She had a cute little boy in her arms. She introduced him as her son. And my reaction was, "He is a cutie pie! He looks exactly like you. He has your eyes and your bone structure." Her response? "Err.... I adopted him because I couldn't have a baby." OUCH!

Result 1: I wanted to quit my job and never ever see her again. But she decided to take some time off and quit her job. Maybe she wanted to avoid the awkward questions? Yuck.

Example 2: I went to a restaurant to pick up something and spotted a coworker "K". He had a beautiful little baby girl in his arms. So I walked up to him and said, "What a cutie pie!" And then shut up. I am smart that way. I learn my lessons well. "Thanks! My wife just had the baby." So I go, "Wow. Who do you think she looks like? You or your wife?" And he said, "Neither. She looks like her father.... My wife had a relationship with another man. But I still love the baby." OUCH! OUCH!

Result 2: I avoided K all the time. It became the focus of my life. It wasn't that bad because he traveled so much. I don't really care what people decide to do in their lives. But I need to learn how to keep my mouth shut. Yuck!

Example 3: Remember when those low waist pants were in fashion along with princess tops? To the guys who read my blog, that outfit did not flatter women. Only the zero size women. But we all wore them and it made us all look pregnant. So I run into another female coworker wearing this outfit. And she looked at least 6 months pregnant.

OK. Brace yourself. You may never love me after I reveal this. I stretch my arms, touch her tummy and go, "Oh how cute." There are no words to describe what happened afterwards. The ouches and yucks went to a whole different level.

Result 3: Quit my job. There was no choice. I still feel so mortified and full of self-loathe when I write about it. I wish the earth would open up and swallow me. WTF was I thinking? Even writing about this makes me sick to my stomach.

I bet you hate me now.

The bottom line of this post is that I did learn to keep my mouth shut. And never ever speak before thinking. So if we ever meet in person, don't be surprised if I never utter a word. I am terrified of what will come out. Sometimes I wish that there was a car wash for people. Go in there and all your sins and stupidities are washed off. But we don't have them and so have to live with our stupidities and demons forever. Oh well...

By the way, I do look like Demi Moore.

Just without all the plastic surgery.

Oh and you must love me!


Nicole said...

Don't worry, I still love you :)

I did say stupid stuff in my Life as well.
But at least I only asked if the person in front of me is pregnant (still embarrassing enough ;) )

I got asked that question too, though ;)

mythopolis said...

Who could not love a person who freely admits she/he is only human!

Anonymous said...

LOL!!! It's a hard thing to learn -- not to open mouth insert foot. Happens to the best of US! Funny post. :)

Anonymous said...

Oooo...also wanted to let you know that there is something wrong with the way your blog links when you leave a comment on another blog. The link should bring you to your blog, but instead is taking you to signing up for blogspot...maybe you'll want to check that out.

Granted, my blog is on wordpress, so if you are using openID the problem maybe with how you have that set up.

Thought I'd let you know. Can I count this as my good deed for the day???

Jenni said...

Okay, I only look down upon you for the last one. Seriously! Okay, I really don't look down on you because I think we have all done that.

However, the first two, you did nothing wrong. You are not the first or last person who is going to make those "mistakes" with them. For the second one, if I were you the come back would have been, "Wow, you are truly a great man. I hope your wife finally realizes that." For him to raise that baby knowing what he knows...bery comendable.

The first one, she will get many of those comments and, amazingly, I have seen SO many adopted children look exactly like their parents. She should be polite and thankful.

So, stop beating yourself up; just don't ever assume that someone is pregnant, you never really know.

Jodi said...

Awww we could never hate you!! Please!

We have all had those "open mouth, insert foot" moments. I know I have. I can't think of one off the top of my head, but I sure have had them.

Funny post my friend!! I hope you have a beautiful day!!!!

Betty said...

Dear Demi,
Oh my! Sounds like me, so now I just say "What a cute baby!" and leave it there. I had a similar situation, in which the baby had been adopted. But the important thing is that you didn't mean any harm by it, it wasn't your fault that there were certain situations tied to these issues. You were only trying to be nice ;)
Funny post!

Lisa Paul said...

Can't be embarrassed about this stuff. Especially the comment about the kid who was adopted. Most adoptive parents would take that as a compliment. And the amazing thing is that most adopted kids eventually look somewhat like their parents because they develop the same facial expressions and hand gestures. The whole nature vs. nurture thing.

Midwest Mommy said...

I literally laughed out loud. Was that man joking about the baby being another guys? What a way to tell people.
I had a similar situation about the mistaken pregnancy when I started my student teaching. Luckily for some reason I never asked the girl but I asked another teacher when she was due. The teacher looked at me dumbfounded and said no one was pregnant at school. I kept insisting no, you know the one in the jean jumper today...that's when I was told she was definitely not pregnant. I cringed just thinking about what I almost did.

Scriber's Web said...

Nicole: Thank you! Ha ha.. I was asked if I was pregnant once too:)

Mytho: Yep I am human and make mistakes.

Bloggingexperiments: Yep. Fortunately the foot in the mouth illness strikes only sometimes. Not all the time. Most of the time, I am most diplomatic. Thanks for pointing out ny error. I had put a bad URL in there.

Jenni: What a great come back line! I should have thought of it!

Jodi: Thanks for your friendship and understanding!

Betty: I was just being stupid. What was I thinking? Argh. But I am glad I wrote about it. Now everyone knows that I have stupid moments:)

Lisa: You are so correct about that. This kid looked exactly like his mom! And I don't think it offended her. I was probably not the first person who said that to her.

MM: You were smart. I've learned my lesson. I never ever ask any woman if she is pregnant. Even if she looks 9 months pregnant and about to pop. You know that makes me wonder... there are certain women out there who don't realize they are pregnant until delivery time. How in the world does that happen?

Valerie said...

I agree completely with Jenni that the first two scenarios are beyond your control. You weren't given all the information, and quite frankly, Miss Manners would probably frown upon how each of them responded to you. They made you feel humiliated for a completely normal reaction. That's rude!

As for the last one, a male friend of mine recently asked a female former coworker (that he hadn't seen in a while) when she was due. She was horrified. He quickly responded, "Oh wait, I'm sorry... [Name of mutual friend] had mentioned you being pregnant, but now I remember, it was someone else who used to work with us."

He thought she might have bought it...

mrsbear said...

Wow, those were awkward moments but completely forgivable. The first two especially were logical questions and/or comments. I don't know why that guy would volunteer such personal information instead of just saying something polite or shrugging or whatever. Don't hate yourself too much, there are worse things in life than saying something embarrassing. ;-)