Thursday, November 20, 2008

Pixel Fiction: 1

What is Pixel Fiction? Essentially my friend Carol wrote half a story on her blog and tagged me. Kinda. So I have to complete the story.

Here is the previous part of the story. Read it first.

The following is what I came up with

You Had to See her

You walk for miles. In cold, harsh weather. But her memories warm your heart. You keep going. Clinging to the little red box in your fist. The gun feels cold in your jacket. It pokes you. But you keep going.

You had to do what you had to do. You want her. She wants you. She needs you. You remember her face as she smiled at you. And came close enough so you could smell her perfume. Her eyes spoke volumes. They said what her luscious mouth could not. Your fingers tingle at the thought of her mouth.

You walk for miles and then finally see a light. Her home. And she is alone. The bastard is not with her and will never be. You have taken care of it. Now she is free to be all yours.

You run towards the light. You cling to your gun just in case. You hope that the blood on your shoes has dried. You hope that she does not notice the blood. You pull out the gun. You hope and you hope.

You ring the bell. She doesn't answer. So you pick on the lock. And break in. You place the little red box on the coffee table. You hear a man’s voice. He has a gun. And he wants you to put your gun down.

You turn towards the voice and shoot.

Suddenly you are warm from your own blood oozing out. You fall on the floor and try to reach the red box.

And then you see her. Her eyes tell you that she is all yours as you fall asleep.


My friend Carol came up with this plan and it was much harder than what I anticipated. For one thing, I don't remember writing in second person. It is usually I or him/her. I also don't write much dark stuff. I don't have much experience with it. But this was a fun project. There were so many possibilities! I am sure I'll go back and think here is what I could have done better... If you have suggestions, let me know!


Nicole said...

I love that piece - wonderful, if a bit bloody, but great!

mythopolis said...

Great! Hats off to both of you! I was reminded of some of the early pulp fiction crime and passion magazines and paperbacks. Half way through I began to think I wanted that woman myself!

Carol said...

Oh, love the ending! It's fantastic. It really goes with the "dark stalker-y" feel of it.

@Mythopolis, yes, it's quite like the old pulp fiction (the writing, not the movie.) The beginning was actually based upon a song from a band called "Airborne Toxic Event" ("Sometime around midnight" is the name of the song.) But, yes, we gave it a sort of pulp fiction feel to it and it was really fun to do.

Jodi said...

OMG! I love it! What a great idea!! When I reply to your email I'll tell you about an idea I had. I think it was so cool how you two did that. I would have had a hard time with the 2nd person. I'm most comfortable writing 1st person.

It was great!! Kudos to both of you! You are a great writer!

Coffee Slut said...

Impressive! Great job!

Carol said...

@Jodi, yes, the 2nd person was hard (I stole the idea from the song.) I thought it went with that type of story. It's imperative, urgent, but detached all at the same time. I thought it would go well with a story about somebody unraveling, a kind of "stalker noir" piece. Kind of like you're watching him from afar but he has an immediate sense of urgency about the whole thing at the same time.

It's hard to write like that, but I think it fits. Scriber's Web gave it the perfect ending too-she kept with the unraveling unfolding darkness.

I don't think that I'm going to shy away from 2nd person again, it really has a nice combination of detached and yet urgent/in-your-face-ness about it. It was hard to do but fun in the end.

You should join us in our next one!